I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in Excitement when faced with the prospect of a
beautiful, sucessfull, independet Woman wanning to chat with me - wherein i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that These words are attributes as how i have defined the woman in my mind, my Imagination just from her words, without having any physical reality context or met the being ever thus clearly selfrighteousness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to get excited with imagining and thinking about
this girl and what could possibly happen.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and and allowed myself to in a moment create a imagination of what i
want a relationship to be where i felt empowered and as the creator
of my world/future and a prospect relationship, where this experiance
was comming with a thought/backchat of „shes so direct and seems to
know what she wants – I do know what i want as well, so lets put it
out there, way to gooo“ = Way to Egoo, speaking as writing the
immediate points what was comming up in my mind as a conglumerate of
what i think and believe what i want from a relationship/partner,
with every single point adding another dimensional Picture to the
imagination of how i will be/see myself with her doing the Things as
behaviours or expressions what was comming up in my mind.
So i forgive myself that i have
accepted and allowed myself to with every word as an expression or
Concept as it exists with in my mind as how i had definied it in
separation of myself to excite me more and more till finally
believing that the experiance in my mind is real when in fact it
was not, as it is only resonating energy of consciousness-systems within my
mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to blame her for apparently haveing a deluded idea
of a partner and how a relationship must be in her mind instead of
realizing i did exactly the same, that this Paranioa i created within
my own mind in a moment where i apparently believed and said „Yes,
this is how i want it, this is what i want“ and in this apparently
taking directive principle and directing myself, my
world/relationships, standing up for myself and saying „This is who
i am/This is what i want“ when in fact i was saying „Yes“ to
imaginations/concepts of the mind and especially this
point/energy/experiance of „I can Choose/direct/dictate what and
how i want a relationship/partner to be“ which is simply a
form/point of control, where in fact i was referencing a
perfect/dream partner construct in my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to in a Moment of communication when i had seen
and said yes to the imagination in my mind, go into a
Superiourity/Control-Charakter towards the real woman i was chatting
with and starting to question/doubt her motives and intentions about
finding a guy and if shes really honest/genuine, without seeing
realizing or understanding that meanwhile i had said „yes to my
Image-i-nation“, turning to paranoia and not even really
hearing/reading what she was saying any more but wanting to enforce
My desires, wants needs that in fact only exist in and as the mind.
So i forgive myself that i have not
allowed myself to see, realize and understand in the Moment,
directly, that the doubts, judgement, questions and thoughts where
not about the other being but an outflow of my own selfdishonesty and
self-separation in the moment of accepting and allowing the
imagination of a perfect relationship – according to how i have
defined it in my mind as energy – as who i am and the energy of
„Thats what i want/thats what i choose and by god i will create it“
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to programm the desire to dictate, choose, control
relationships/Communication as a weak point within and as myself where the mind can still
get to me, through energetic participation in Porn, Movies/books,
Fantasies and Masturbation.
I forgive myself that i have not
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i can use the
exact points what i mentioned and excited myself with to deprogramm
and bring em back to myself to live and express as living words as
myself, so that in that i can strenghten my weakness as the points i
have separated myself from and defined in relationship/woman/desire
for relationship as mind illusion in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that i do not want to stop
this excitement energy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to blame the woman i was chatting with for making
me excited, thinking that shes doing this deliberatly and some kind
of witch or is spinning some kind of conspiracy around me, instead of
realizing that i am absolutly self-responsible for my experiance and
the energies i create within my Mind and my Body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to be so separate from myself while reading the
words of the being, that i have not allowed myself to see/realize and
notice how i have accumulated this energetic Experiance of Excitement
that i then connected to the woman, slowly but surely through
reacting to her picture and specific words in what she was writing
into an experiance of wow, thats to good to be true, wherein i
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to „just go
with the flow“ of energy wanting to see where IT leads and then
getting the fears of losing control and actually going into the other
polartiy of „wanting to control that“, not seeing realizing or
understanding that in this i was imposing a point of control and so
fear onto myself and the other being as well.
In this i forgive myself that i have
not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i in that
moment wanted/desired to control the mind/imagination/the outcome and
accepting Mind to apparently control Mind, which means/equals
accpeting Mind-Control/fear within as me.
I forgive myself that i have not
allowed myself to see that i can use Excitement as an Indicator for
where i exist in desire/prospective desires/expectations.
I commit myself to realize and live
that i do not have to react and excite myself just because of a
beautiful picture and specific words comming from a woman, where i do
not even know nor have ever seen/meet that person in the flesh.
I see, realize and understand that this
is a problem and shows the extent of my brainwashing and how much i
am still a mind-controlled reactive robot.
I commit myself to really bring myself
here in breath when i chat or read other people and not allowing
thoughts to interfere with me being here.
I commit myself to not deny reactions
of excitement, disbelive, curiousity, desire or interest within me
when i talk/chat with women.
I commit myself to take these reactions
back to myself, without blame/projection in the realisation that i am
the source and creator of my experiance – thus responsible – and
nobody else.
I commit myself to when and as i see
that i go into excitement with looking at/thinking about haveing a
relationship/partner/sex – stop and breath – i realize that its
commensensically unnecassary and in fact causeing abuse and
instabilty to/within myself, my world and present moments as i am not
here as breath but in Energy Posession in the Mind.
I commit myself to not immediatly
mirror and reflect (as protect) on things and words what other
people/women say/write to me, but realize that when i see myself
doing this = i am in a paranioa in the mind in separation of myself.
I commit myself to when and as i see
myself going into doubts, misgivings, paranoia about the motives,
genuinity/honesty and intentions when talking/chatting with other people – i stop and take a breath – i realize
that firstly i am dishonest as i am not fully here, but somewhere in
my mind and nothing of what comes up within me in/as paranoia is real
– thus take a moment and check where and when i went into
separation, here i can look at Energies/Imaginations that came up and
i accepted and allowed to take over/possess in a moment – I bring myself back here, breathe
and stabilize myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that i must get excited when
i talk to or chat with a woman or otherwise there will be no
relationship/sex, instead of realizing that this overexcitment is one
of the most basic mind-fucks through which i have separated myself
from communication with women/females and so from relationship/sex.
I forgive myself that i have not
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this excitement
directly fuels into Paranioa and so all Kind of stuff come alive in
my mind if i accept and allow myself to separate myself through and
into the excitement energy.
I commit myself to not accept myself to
overtly excite myself when i chat/talk/communicate with women as i
see that it is in fact egoism/abuse of wanting to feel energy in my
mind and not supporting anyone in physical reality.
I
commit myself to stop thinking/believing that i am in possession of
„my mind“ and to everytime make myself aware of my words/how i
use the words „my mind/the mind“
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