Part of a Writeout to redefine the words truth/true:
Ok – now I connect the word true to
relationships/partnerships as in “always being true” to each
other and in this is connected a positive energy-experience of this
ideal/perfect relationship that only exists in movies/films, where
you only see a fraction of what is really going on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to connect the concept of “always being true TO
ANOTHER/Each other” to a positive energy of Security and
Secretiveness wherein I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself
to see, realize and understand that such a relationship between a
concept and an energy is my creation and that my creation defines me
in this case as something I then desire, wherein I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this NOT see that I am
completly deceiving myself about what is really going on in my
relationships/relationships on earth, which is then me deceiving
myself about the truth of myself and so trying to create and
present/pretend false truth, instead of facing and sorting out what
is really here.
I forgive myself that I have I have Not
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that with holding onto
a relationship-creation between the Con-cept of “always being
true”, the positve energy-experience I have imprinted from
media/movies/pictures and the Word “Relationship/Sex” I will in
and as this creation deceive myself about myself/relationships/my
life from the beginning, meaning I in substantiating the concept with
the energy and connecting it to something physically real like
relationship/sex I make something/this creation in my mind more that
actual physical reality and so manifest the exact opposite of that
which I apparently wanted which is “always being true”, which can
not be any other way because the starting-point for/of truth is not
being Self, is not to be Self-honest, but another in separation of
oneself and this Is done/accepted and allowed deliberately to deceive
Self about the truth of self/self not having to face self – which
would for example be in my case feeling “inferior/less than/not
good enough/unworthy” - and from there EVERYTHING in the
relationship, the WHOLE RELATIONSHIP is and becomes A LIE as It was
in fact only created to device and lie to oneself about the truth of
Self.
I forgive myself that I have not
allowed myself to be honest with myself about the fact that all what
I have gathered/imprinted in terms of relationships/sex = from other
people that gone before me = mind-preprogramming and existing in fact
only to support the mind and the world-system and in this forgiving
myself that Despite of having seen this and experienced this within
myself/my relationships still keep on wavering and believing that
such concepts of Love/Desire/relationship/sex is relevant or
acceptable in any way, wherein I see that the truth of me within this
is “Ignorance” as “Deception” and veilidation, wanting to
validate and make myself right as a good person through CONFUSING me
with relationship-desires/fantasies I had imprinted from the very
world system, that seemed so nice and good and valid and so much
better then me and my actual experience of myself, so in that I see
that the only reason for accepting and allowing any form of
participation in those/such desires/fantasies/dreams for
relationship/sex is a attempt to hide from myself/not having to face
myself alone and in fact seeing that it is hiding in the mind in
desires/dreams/fantasies that has nothing to do at all with
Self/another/reality but is complete Separation in/as
Delusion/Illusion, trying to create energetic experiences just like
drugs to separate myself from what is actually here and to fix myself
for a moment, which is not and never was a Solution in any way.
I see, realize and understand that when
that through connecting a concept with and energy in my mind I create
a relationship and that this relationship within my mind then defines
me and what I live as my mind is me equally.
Thus I this I see that in connecting
the concept of “always being true” to an positive/desire energy
and the word relationships I am deceiving myself and blinding myself
about the truth of “who I am” in relationships and the general
relationships the exist on earth, because my vision then is tainted
with what I want to see to make me feel positive.
I see, realize and understand that
what I have gathered/imprinted and how I have constructed my
relationships/sex = from other people/sources outside of myself and
thus mind-preprogramming, existing to support the mind and the
world-system only.
Thus I commit myself to not apply
half-measures here or accept compromise within myself, but to sort
out what I have already gathered/imprinted in terms of
Sex/relationship and not allowing anything less as who I really am as
life, self creating myself as what is truly best for all/myself.
I see, realize and understand that
having a relationship/sex does not make me a good/better person, nor
does not having a relationship/sex make me lesser/not good enough
person or define me in any way when I do not accept or allow it.
Thus – I make a decision that this
stops here, that I will no longer accept or allow myself to define
myself according to having or not having a relationship/standing
alone.
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