Donnerstag, 26. September 2013

Relationship-Paranoia: How to decieve yourself with wanting it to be True - Day 444

Part of a Writeout to redefine the words truth/true:
Ok – now I connect the word true to relationships/partnerships as in “always being true” to each other and in this is connected a positive energy-experience of this ideal/perfect relationship that only exists in movies/films, where you only see a fraction of what is really going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the concept of “always being true TO ANOTHER/Each other” to a positive energy of Security and Secretiveness wherein I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that such a relationship between a concept and an energy is my creation and that my creation defines me in this case as something I then desire, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this NOT see that I am completly deceiving myself about what is really going on in my relationships/relationships on earth, which is then me deceiving myself about the truth of myself and so trying to create and present/pretend false truth, instead of facing and sorting out what is really here.

I forgive myself that I have I have Not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that with holding onto a relationship-creation between the Con-cept of “always being true”, the positve energy-experience I have imprinted from media/movies/pictures and the Word “Relationship/Sex” I will in and as this creation deceive myself about myself/relationships/my life from the beginning, meaning I in substantiating the concept with the energy and connecting it to something physically real like relationship/sex I make something/this creation in my mind more that actual physical reality and so manifest the exact opposite of that which I apparently wanted which is “always being true”, which can not be any other way because the starting-point for/of truth is not being Self, is not to be Self-honest, but another in separation of oneself and this Is done/accepted and allowed deliberately to deceive Self about the truth of self/self not having to face self – which would for example be in my case feeling “inferior/less than/not good enough/unworthy” - and from there EVERYTHING in the relationship, the WHOLE RELATIONSHIP is and becomes A LIE as It was in fact only created to device and lie to oneself about the truth of Self.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself about the fact that all what I have gathered/imprinted in terms of relationships/sex = from other people that gone before me = mind-preprogramming and existing in fact only to support the mind and the world-system and in this forgiving myself that Despite of having seen this and experienced this within myself/my relationships still keep on wavering and believing that such concepts of Love/Desire/relationship/sex is relevant or acceptable in any way, wherein I see that the truth of me within this is “Ignorance” as “Deception” and veilidation, wanting to validate and make myself right as a good person through CONFUSING me with relationship-desires/fantasies I had imprinted from the very world system, that seemed so nice and good and valid and so much better then me and my actual experience of myself, so in that I see that the only reason for accepting and allowing any form of participation in those/such desires/fantasies/dreams for relationship/sex is a attempt to hide from myself/not having to face myself alone and in fact seeing that it is hiding in the mind in desires/dreams/fantasies that has nothing to do at all with Self/another/reality but is complete Separation in/as Delusion/Illusion, trying to create energetic experiences just like drugs to separate myself from what is actually here and to fix myself for a moment, which is not and never was a Solution in any way.

I see, realize and understand that when that through connecting a concept with and energy in my mind I create a relationship and that this relationship within my mind then defines me and what I live as my mind is me equally.

Thus I this I see that in connecting the concept of “always being true” to an positive/desire energy and the word relationships I am deceiving myself and blinding myself about the truth of “who I am” in relationships and the general relationships the exist on earth, because my vision then is tainted with what I want to see to make me feel positive.

I see, realize and understand that what I have gathered/imprinted and how I have constructed my relationships/sex = from other people/sources outside of myself and thus mind-preprogramming, existing to support the mind and the world-system only.

Thus I commit myself to not apply half-measures here or accept compromise within myself, but to sort out what I have already gathered/imprinted in terms of Sex/relationship and not allowing anything less as who I really am as life, self creating myself as what is truly best for all/myself.

I see, realize and understand that having a relationship/sex does not make me a good/better person, nor does not having a relationship/sex make me lesser/not good enough person or define me in any way when I do not accept or allow it.

Thus – I make a decision that this stops here, that I will no longer accept or allow myself to define myself according to having or not having a relationship/standing alone.

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