|Art: Matti Freeman|
Ok – die folgende Selbstvergebung hat für mich einen wichtigen Punkt aufgemacht, der als latenter innerer Konflikt in mir besteht/bestand. Kürzlich habe die Arbeit bei einer Zeitarbeitsfirma angefangen und meine Einstellung dazu ist/war das es „das Letzte“ ist was ich tun will. Ich wollte nie bei einer Zeitarbeitsfirma arbeiten und es dies als persönliches Versagen das ich keinen „vollwertigen“ Job bekommen habe – Ich bin offensichtlich nicht gut genug – Generell habe ich Zeitarbeit als minderwertig, Sklaverei, unwürdig, negativ beurteilt, eine diffuse, nicht genau definierte Erfahrung die sich im Nachhinein als Beschuldigung herausstellt. Ich kann nicht mal sagen das ich mir dessen nicht gewahr war, es war mehr ein absichtliches „Nicht hinschauen und erforschen wollen“, wobei es wirklich nicht viel braucht um die tatsächlichen Ursachen das Zeitarbeit existiert (so wie sie existiert) als in unserem System, dem Kapitalismus, begründet zu sehen.
Wieso habe ich diesen Punkt nicht gesehen bevor ich durch die Erfahrung gegangen bin und heute den Vertrag mit einer Zeitarbeitsfirma unterschrieben habe? Im Grunde einfach aus Selbstinteresse heraus, aus dem Glauben ich sei Fehlerhaft, andere die keinen passenden Job finden seien irgendwie fehlerhaft und selbst schuld, so das ich wenn und falls ich jemals den „Jackpot“ gewinne, in Form eines „guten Jobs“ behaupten könnte es wäre mein Verdienst, gerechtfertigt, denn ich hätte mir das angeblich hart erarbeitet. Der Ganze Prozess von Zeitarbeit ist neben den für die Firmen/Unternehmen billigen, schnell und einfach austauschbare Arbeitskräfte eine Art Filter- und Schleifapparat wo sich die Bewerber/Arbeiter angetrieben von der Angst vor Jobverlust und dem Wunsch/Hoffnung nach einer besseren Position im System/der Firma verbessern, einpassen und gegenseitig aufreiben sollen können: Der „bessere“ = besser angepasste überlebt und kommt vielleicht weiter. Dies wird von den Firmen natürlich mit voller Absicht ausgenutzt, da klar ist das ein jeder die scheinbare grundlegende Selbst-Definition von Zeitarbeit als „weniger/minderwertig/mangelhaft“ akzeptiert, erlaubt zu damit auf sich selbst anwendet und von diesem negativen Selbstbild zum positiven strebt, was in einer Festanstellung mit gutem Gehalt und so einem gesicherten Lebensunterhalt und den Annehmlichkeiten/Extras definiert ist, die vom Gleichen System beworben, angeboten und verkauft werden.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the idea of now being enslaved to the job because of me having signed a contract with a time work employer – In this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that i am enslaved to an idea, a construct of knowledge and information of how it is or must be/feel like to work in/at a time-work-company, not seeing realizing and understanding that this idea has nothing to do with physical reality in fact and i do only particitpate in it because of me believing that it is real and accepting and allowing the convenient lie of fear of being enslaved to trigger me into the idea.
I forgive myself that i have accepted allowed myself to create, project and participate in the idea of being enslaved by/through a timework-Company to be able to project blame and separate myself from responsiblity, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the real thing that is enslaving me is my selfrigtheousness and selfrighteous selfinteresst where i make the Assumption that the timework-Company want to take advantage of me and enslave me, diminish me and put me down to make their own profits, where i make the silent accusation that they are parasites and living of my work and that they are completly useless, worthless scum-Charakter that have no real right to be/live/exist – in this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own judgement about time-work-companies outwards into „them“, twisting it around in a completly selfrighteous manner where i think, believe and precieve that „they“ are thinking of/seeing their clients as the scum of the earth, worthless parasites that would not get any other job if it where not for them to search, find and support.
I see, realize and understand that the enslavement only exists in the mind towards an idea as knowlege and information of „who i am as a timeworker“ and is not in fact „who i am as a physical breathing being“.
I see, realize and understand that signing the contract was a mental trigger into the idea a knowledge and information construct in my mind of „who i am as a time worker“ and does not in fact change anything in physical reality, other than the rules/regulations/terms i have agreed on.
In this i see that what i aparently „lost“ in signing the contract was a apparent freedom, what is only the idea of freedom and being unbound that when revereced in phyiscal reality does not exist = is an illusion.
Thus when and as i see myself participating in the Idea that i have lost my „Freedom“ through signing the contract – i stop and breath – i realize that i have not lost anything physical, real in fact but only lost a illusion of freedom, thus i bring myself back here into phyiscal reality and direct myself effectivly in/as breath.
When and as i see myself thinking and believing that „I am being enslaved“ by the work, contract or employer i stop and breath – i realize that i have in fact agreed on certain points of doing work for money to take responabilty for my survival in this work/system, and as such simply walking a physical point that each one currently and probably since the beginning is/was walking – I see realize and undesrstand that work in it self is a necassary part of Life to built, maintain and manage the system taht supports life on earth and no amount of internal blame, critic, resistance towards the system or with „how things are“ will support me in walking or any one else in fact.
Wherein is see, realize and understand that rebelling, resenting, resistance and blame is a Point/Personality in my mind that will only support charge the mind itself and so i am only making my life harder/exhausting as i am sabotaging myself through energy-polarities of the mind.
When and as i see myself accessing the „fear of being enslaved“ - i stop and breath, as i see/realize that this „fear“ is the entry point for me going into rebellion, internal conflict, criticism, retaliation, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact i am doing it all to myself and so accumulate myself in a doubtfool, feartful, despisive Charakter that feels enslaved and as i realize that this not „who i am“ i try „to brake free“ in and as energy what is not possble but only the other poarity leading and enslaving myself further into the mind ending in a resentful, self-pittying victimisation where the actual physical reality would have been really simple in walking the phyiscal responsibilities i have agreed on as best as possible while remaining here in and as breath. Which is what i commit myself to do for myself.
When and as i see that i am creating, projecting and participating in the idea of being enslaved by/through a time-work-compay to be able to project blame and separate myself from responsiblity – i stop and breathe – i realize that what is really enslaving me is my accepted and allowed relationship and participation to the mind as thoughts feelings and emotions and in this the idea/assumption that the time-work-company wants to enslave me, take advantage of me, diminish me and put me down to their own profit where i make the silent accusation that they are parasites and living of my work and they are completly useless, worthless scum-Charakters that no real right to life/exist/be, Without seeing/realizing/adressing the real Problem that is this current capitalistic System and my/our participation in it where deliberatly less fortunate positions are created to allow maxial benifit for the companies/cooperations so that they can produce and sell the most products at the cheapes price.
I see, realize and understand taht in fact i am co-creating the very system that i percieve myself enslaved by through my own self-interst.
When and as i see myself projecting judgement/Blame in thinking/believing that „They are seeing their clients as the worthless scum of the earth, parasites that would not get any other job if it wasnt for us“ - i stop and breathe – i release this Point in the realisation that it reflects self-judgement towards myself and as such
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the worthless scum of the earth, a worthless parasite that cant do bring/anything good but only live off of others sucking them out of life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a System-Parasite.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Judgement/Experiance of „being the worthless scum of the earth, useless parasite what cant get a proper job, living off the work of others and have no real right to exist/be/life“ is a Judgement/Experiance WITHIN ME that has nothing to do with the Job or Company per Se but simply came up within me in the Process of integrating myself in the System/Getting a Job and because it came up in that Process – I connected this experiance to „whatever i could find“, in this case especially the Time-Work/Time-work-company as i have seen and judged this point in Separation of myself in a similar „negative Light“ what is in fact a energy, similar energy-experiance and so „the ends meet“ and i would believe myself to be that emerging experiance, justified through blame in Separation of myself/towards the TWC.
In this i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this „Parasite, Scum of the Earth“-Charakter comes up in and as my mind as Protection and Defense Mechanism of Integrating and making it/being succesfull in this world/System as a Justification for why i should be allowed to „get my way around the system“ and remaining „who i am as a mind/as ego/what i have always kown of me“.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be triggert and drawn into self-righteous self-manipulation as Isolation and parasitical Ego and as such separate myself from environment and the People within it, wanting always more and all for free.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the core-point of this Charakter of me is the self-righteous self-interest of (Energy)Consumption.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within myself i exist in and as a demonic, parasitical thought-entity that moves/perpetuates itself within the Emotional Energy of Distan/Spite/Revenge towards my/the Environment and to manipulate the Environement to get what it/i want presents itself as a positive, submissive and inferior Charakter.
In this Conext "Environment" particularly pertains to "the System" or anything what resembles "a System" or more what i have accepted and allowed myself to "make into" - in percieving - as a System what can be Family, government, education, work, friendship/partnership and relationships in General.
In this i see, realize and understand that i have deliberatly made physical reality/Life/myself into a System in as my mind to justify abuse in Selfinterest.
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