I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Excitement when faced with the prospect of a beautiful, sucessfull, independet Woman wanning to chat with me - wherein i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that These words are attributes as how i have defined the woman in my mind, my Imagination just from her words, without having any physical reality context or met the being ever thus clearly selfrighteousness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get excited with imagining and thinking about this girl and what could possibly happen.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and and allowed myself to in a moment create a imagination of what i want a relationship to be where i felt empowered and as the creator of my world/future and a prospect relationship, where this experiance was comming with a thought/backchat of „shes so direct and seems to know what she wants – I do know what i want as well, so lets put it out there, way to gooo“ = Way to Egoo, speaking as writing the immediate points what was comming up in my mind as a conglumerate of what i think and believe what i want from a relationship/partner, with every single point adding another dimensional Picture to the imagination of how i will be/see myself with her doing the Things as behaviours or expressions what was comming up in my mind.
So i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to with every word as an expression or Concept as it exists with in my mind as how i had definied it in separation of myself to excite me more and more till finally believing that the experiance in my mind is real when in fact it was not, as it is only resonating energy of consciousness-systems within my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame her for apparently haveing a deluded idea of a partner and how a relationship must be in her mind instead of realizing i did exactly the same, that this Paranioa i created within my own mind in a moment where i apparently believed and said „Yes, this is how i want it, this is what i want“ and in this apparently taking directive principle and directing myself, my world/relationships, standing up for myself and saying „This is who i am/This is what i want“ when in fact i was saying „Yes“ to imaginations/concepts of the mind and especially this point/energy/experiance of „I can Choose/direct/dictate what and how i want a relationship/partner to be“ which is simply a form/point of control, where in fact i was referencing a perfect/dream partner construct in my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in a Moment of communication when i had seen and said yes to the imagination in my mind, go into a Superiourity/Control-Charakter towards the real woman i was chatting with and starting to question/doubt her motives and intentions about finding a guy and if shes really honest/genuine, without seeing realizing or understanding that meanwhile i had said „yes to my Image-i-nation“, turning to paranoia and not even really hearing/reading what she was saying any more but wanting to enforce My desires, wants needs that in fact only exist in and as the mind.
So i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand in the Moment, directly, that the doubts, judgement, questions and thoughts where not about the other being but an outflow of my own selfdishonesty and self-separation in the moment of accepting and allowing the imagination of a perfect relationship – according to how i have defined it in my mind as energy – as who i am and the energy of „Thats what i want/thats what i choose and by god i will create it“
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to programm the desire to dictate, choose, control relationships/Communication as a weak point within and as myself where the mind can still get to me, through energetic participation in Porn, Movies/books, Fantasies and Masturbation.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i can use the exact points what i mentioned and excited myself with to deprogramm and bring em back to myself to live and express as living words as myself, so that in that i can strenghten my weakness as the points i have separated myself from and defined in relationship/woman/desire for relationship as mind illusion in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that i do not want to stop this excitement energy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the woman i was chatting with for making me excited, thinking that shes doing this deliberatly and some kind of witch or is spinning some kind of conspiracy around me, instead of realizing that i am absolutly self-responsible for my experiance and the energies i create within my Mind and my Body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so separate from myself while reading the words of the being, that i have not allowed myself to see/realize and notice how i have accumulated this energetic Experiance of Excitement that i then connected to the woman, slowly but surely through reacting to her picture and specific words in what she was writing into an experiance of wow, thats to good to be true, wherein i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to „just go with the flow“ of energy wanting to see where IT leads and then getting the fears of losing control and actually going into the other polartiy of „wanting to control that“, not seeing realizing or understanding that in this i was imposing a point of control and so fear onto myself and the other being as well.
In this i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that i in that moment wanted/desired to control the mind/imagination/the outcome and accepting Mind to apparently control Mind, which means/equals accpeting Mind-Control/fear within as me.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see that i can use Excitement as an Indicator for where i exist in desire/prospective desires/expectations.
I commit myself to realize and live that i do not have to react and excite myself just because of a beautiful picture and specific words comming from a woman, where i do not even know nor have ever seen/meet that person in the flesh.
I see, realize and understand that this is a problem and shows the extent of my brainwashing and how much i am still a mind-controlled reactive robot.
I commit myself to really bring myself here in breath when i chat or read other people and not allowing thoughts to interfere with me being here.
I commit myself to not deny reactions of excitement, disbelive, curiousity, desire or interest within me when i talk/chat with women.
I commit myself to take these reactions back to myself, without blame/projection in the realisation that i am the source and creator of my experiance – thus responsible – and nobody else.
I commit myself to when and as i see that i go into excitement with looking at/thinking about haveing a relationship/partner/sex – stop and breath – i realize that its commensensically unnecassary and in fact causeing abuse and instabilty to/within myself, my world and present moments as i am not here as breath but in Energy Posession in the Mind.
I commit myself to not immediatly mirror and reflect (as protect) on things and words what other people/women say/write to me, but realize that when i see myself doing this = i am in a paranioa in the mind in separation of myself.
I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into doubts, misgivings, paranoia about the motives, genuinity/honesty and intentions when talking/chatting with other people – i stop and take a breath – i realize that firstly i am dishonest as i am not fully here, but somewhere in my mind and nothing of what comes up within me in/as paranoia is real – thus take a moment and check where and when i went into separation, here i can look at Energies/Imaginations that came up and i accepted and allowed to take over/possess in a moment – I bring myself back here, breathe and stabilize myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that i must get excited when i talk to or chat with a woman or otherwise there will be no relationship/sex, instead of realizing that this overexcitment is one of the most basic mind-fucks through which i have separated myself from communication with women/females and so from relationship/sex.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this excitement directly fuels into Paranioa and so all Kind of stuff come alive in my mind if i accept and allow myself to separate myself through and into the excitement energy.
I commit myself to not accept myself to overtly excite myself when i chat/talk/communicate with women as i see that it is in fact egoism/abuse of wanting to feel energy in my mind and not supporting anyone in physical reality.
I commit myself to stop thinking/believing that i am in possession of „my mind“ and to everytime make myself aware of my words/how i use the words „my mind/the mind“